In many relationships, each partner is great. But, something is askew when the partners send and receive signals between them. 

Key points 

• Build practical tools for conflict resolution. 
• Learn how to disagree in healthy ways. 
• Stop a cycle that leads to frustration and tension. 
• Understand and leverage your communication style.

Communication is hard — especially in romantic relationships 

Communication in any relationship can be challenging to navigate. This becomes even more true regarding the relationships that are especially important to us, such as with our spouse or significant other. Therapy can help you and your partner build the skills and tools you need for healthy, supportive communication. 

Does Sherry’s story resonate with you? 

“Urgh!” Sherry harumphed in exasperation at her partner for the millionth time this week. “Why doesn’t he understand?” she asks as she walks away. 

As the pounding in her chest slows down, and her breathing begins to return to normal, she notices that she has been feeling this way frequently with her partner and doesn’t like it. 

Is there more that Sherry can do? She certainly doesn’t want to end the relationship. Maybe it is time to bring in a third party to get some perspective. 

In your life, is there a better way to communicate what you need and you want from your partner? 

Do you need help with communication in your relationship? 
Check your relationship communication skills and style. How many of these signals apply to your relationship? 

• When you hear a specific tone in your partner’s voice, do you anticipate, “Uh, oh, here we go again…..” 
• Do you have hardwired or knee-jerk responses to specific cues from your partner? 
• Do you (or your partner) go on the defensive when your partner (or you) expresses their needs or feelings? 
• Do you have a “reactive cycle” where you and your partner experience a trigger and fall into an argument repeatedly? 
• Do you or your partner say, “You don’t hear me” or “You don’t listen to me”? 

If one or more of these signals apply to your relationship, it’s time to get help building communication skills. 

Understand and address the causes of your communication challenges 

In therapy, you can build practical tools for conflict resolution and learn how to disagree in healthy ways. We can also explore the underlying causes of the communication challenges in your relationship. 

Where did you learn your conflict resolution skills? Did you have positive relationship role models as a child? Or are you repeating problematic patterns that you saw growing up? Your past is not your future. You and your partner can build a healthier, supportive relationship for both of you. 

In therapy, we will address the Why and the How. 

• Understand why you are having difficulty expressing yourself in this relationship. 
• Learn how you can hear your partner and be heard. These are skills that you can learn. 

Understand and shape your communication style 

In therapy, you can identify what type of communicator you are and understand your partner’s communication style. By understanding yourself better, you can strengthen the attributes that will help you be heard and help you better tune in to 

your partner. 

You can learn active listening skills and how to hold your ground while still being respectful to another person. You can also develop relaxation techniques and other tools to help you become a better listener. 

Therapy will be a journey of skills-building and self-discovery that will help you navigate all of your relationships. Learning effective communication skills will help in other areas of your life as well, including in your profession and relationships with friends and family. You can become less anxious, more confident, and happier when you know you speak clearly and are not misunderstood. 

Embrace disagreements in your relationship in a healthy way 

In therapy, you will gain the skills to reduce misunderstanding and enhance communication. When conflict does come (which it inevitably will), you will be able to react with confidence and poise. Instead of disagreement triggering frustration and tension, learning to express your needs constructively and learning to listen to your partner can enable you to build a healthier, stronger, more fulfilling relationship.